I’ve always been a spectator.

i should’ve breathed me into your tonsils
and swelled them with glandular fever.

i should’ve knitted the vocal cords (you
don’t let me use) into a
rug and forced you, a
carcass, under it. you’ll    w
around unfamiliar
syllables. i’ll

write them as thick as sneeze             [bless me]
smell on cold filaments,
so air can’t ever leave and
you suffocate in my lovedisease.

try to scratch some down: like tickly
but tell me i can never itch. i mishear you
through tiiiiinnitus
from last time we didn’t
speak, and dress you//looked so pretty
tonight//in my helpless animal body:
care about my symptoms? withold diagnosis
you need more saliva to draw anything
(when you’re done with his throat come
asphyxxxiate with a kidney failure…..
…………………………………………..like me.



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